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 Reflection.

If you could put into words, if you could pinpoint one thing that you would identify as a Great Tragedy of our time- what would it be?  Would it be tyrannical governments?  Would it be overbearing laws?  Would it be not enough laws?  Government interference or lack of government involvement?  Perhaps you would highlight key issues of our time...  abortion.  Sexual immorality.  Taxes.  And what about the people?  Hollywood... influencers...  our least favorite politician, whomever that may be.

But what if it is none of the above?

I must confess, I am a bit of an odd duck in more ways than I like to admit.  But one thing is consistently in my mind:  WHY.

I will pull from one of my addictions to put forth an example:  I am a true crime addict.  I love listening to podcasts, youtube channels and even documentaries on various famous (and not so famous) murders.  I find the mystery intriguing, the descent into the darkness of the case thrilling...  but above all I am fascinated by the WHY.  Why did the killer do what he or she did?  What trauma or event led to the eventual demise of their victims?  Why did no one see the signs of a pathological maniac?  Why did he choose his particular victims?  Why...  well, I am sure that you get the point.  Why is the constant question that echoes through my head at all hours the day... and night.

This leads me to other paths...  Why are the degenerate, degenerate?  Why does the addict plunge again and again into their despairing madness?  Why does the politician vote the way they do?  Why do the broken continue to live in brokenness?  Again... why.

I think that I have finally come to my own conclusions, my own theory... and I want to test it.  I therefore present my theory that the issue is not so much an issue- it's something that is missing.  That missing, 4 letter word that cannot escape our tongues without feeling like a curse word, a 4 letter word foreign to most of our languages like a word from a lost nation...  A word called Hope,

As I revive this writing of mine, I don't know where it will take me except this:  I want to explore this subject.  I want to peer into the depths of darkness and look for hope.  To attempt to find hope where hope cannot be found, to examine it's purpose in our lives, to bring it to light so that it can shine like gold...  and in doing so, perhaps awakening that glimmer inside each of our souls that points not only to Hope- but to Hope's very Author.  After all, why settle for the product if we can have the Producer?

For now, remember to always ask why, to strive to see the good, and to utter Hope like new-found slang- and, stay tuned for the next chapter

Inconveniently Yours...

 I still remember the first time I laid eyes on that crazy dog...  

We had been looking for a new pet, and we made the "mistake" of calling on an ad we saw in the classified section of the newspaper.  Back then, this was our "Craigslist", and it was just as sketchy as the personal ads you find online today.  But nevertheless, we found an ad for a dog that looked very promising; so we drove to another town to see what we thought would be a puppy from a single batch.  However...

When we got there, we actually had to wait for the owner to come out and part the sea of puppies for us to be able to even pull into the driveway.  I don't think I have ever seen so many little dogs in one area at one time!  It was nutty to see the waves of border collie/Australian shepherd mix, a combination of white crests and reddish brown flowing to the sides as we were finally able to maneuver to a stop.  Our first question stepping onto shore was, "Is this a puppy mill?"  To which the woman was quite offended by, but...

We looked out and through several options, unaware before we got there that we would have so many choices...  Feeling uncomfortable, we finally settled on a little boy puppy with a docked tail.  We asked the woman what had happened to give him the nub- she replied he was born that way.  Honestly, I am still not convinced that was a truthful answer...  But what do I know?  

He was kind of fat with a funny walk, and from behind, he looked like a very tiny bear cub.  At first thinking it was cute, we plopped him in our car and started to drive off.  We got maybe 3 blocks when we heard it... the retching noise that so many owners fear, followed by that God awful smell of dog vomit...  We made a quick decision and drove back, fearing there was something wrong with him, asking the still offended woman if we could trade him for a puppy that appeared more... healthy? After all, she had a few hundred more it seemed, surely a trade would be ok?  We were met at the door with an absolutely not; however, we could dish out another $50 for a girl dog to go with him...  Yeah, that was also a no.

So we were stuck with this dog with a docked tail that was puking all over our back seat, unsure what we had just committed to.  We didn't know what lay ahead... but now, about 13 years later, I look back and say- I am so glad she said no.  I am glad she rejected our trade offer, because we would have missed out on so much...

Bear got home ok; we would later learn that sometimes he just gets carsick.  His dock tail wasn't the only anomoly we would discover; he also has a little flap of skin by his ear, that has the appearance of a tiny third listening device attached to his head...  oh, and he is absolutely ocd when it comes to his ball.  I don't think I have ever been around a dog that can so obsessively play ball for hours and hours...  Like, you feel like your arm is about to fall off yet he is still there dropping the round object at your feet, staring at it, demanding you throw it one more time...

Of course that would all end when he was around 8.  One morning, he woke up to loud yipping, a painful noise as he struggled to get up... and couldn't.  We never really figured out what happened- whether it was some kind of disease or a spinal stroke...  all we knew for sure was, it was not long before he lost complete use of one back leg; and then not long after that, the other back leg went too.  His days of running were over.

Of course, he was still mentally happy as could be.  He loved, he lived, he was in no pain; and every day we would be greeted by that toothy dog grin he never lost.  But in case you were wondering, yes...  to say he was a little inconvenient is an understatement.  We would have to carry him everywhere, and he was no small dog.  Carry him in, carry him out.  Bathe him regularly because if you can't stand to pee, well...  

He was inconvenient.  So why do I say we would have missed out, you ask?  How could inconvenience be something I would be glad to experience?  I think it best if we understand this:  Not all inconveniences are a bad thing.  If you set aside pride, and embrace learning from the inconvenience- you may just find a greater understanding of life, a deeper understanding of love, and a blessing you never expected.

Through the years, Bear has been a shoulder to cry on, he has been a constant smile, he has been a faithful sidekick.  He has been more dependable than any human, and while that may be in part because well- he couldn't leave- that didn't stop the bonds of love from forging like unbreakable steel.  

I have learned, as all of our family has, so much from that dog.  He has been inconveniently ours; dependent in every way on us, and in a weird way, we were dependent on him.  The lessons of love and happiness greatly overshadow brief moments of frustration.  He has filled a piece of our heart that no other dog could.  And I am forever indebted to him for the lessons he has taught about life.

I say all this now, as we wait for the last few hours, hoping for one last lesson of love.  He has reached that point of life where we cannot provide him what he needs.  A wound on his leg that won't heal, causing him terrible pain, now weighs on our soul with a pain of our own.  That piece of our heart he so graciously filled will break- and heal over with a scar we will never forget.  You see, pets are not just animals... they are family.  And we stand on the eve of losing family.  I try to take comfort knowing that his days of running free, free from the bonds of paralysis and pain, are just around the corner.  He will be able to be that happy puppy again, and I have no doubt he will run into the arms of his Creator, where a ball bounces, waiting patiently for his retrieval of it.

But until the moment we can all play like kids and puppies in eternity, he will be missed.  And in our hearts, he will always be, inconveniently ours.

Thank you for the unconditional love and blessings, Bear.  We will always love you.

Love In Death... A Memorial Day Memoir

THE EXPLOSION

Sent shock waves through his body.  The sound was absolutely deafening;  The earth-shattering melody ripped his eardrums to pieces; he felt it through his entire being, and for but a brief moment, every ounce of his soul.  And then it was over...  the pain fleeting, swept away with the rush of adrenaline.  Before he knew it, he was back on his feet, reaching for his gun.  There was no time to rest now, no time to slow down.  This was war, and in this moment, time lost meant life lost.  

The thought came to mind of how odd it was he was not bleeding from the shrapnel, as he turned to his weapon, but he put it out of his head- no time to dwell on abnormalities and expectations.  He had but one concern- the enemy was closing in.  His brothers in arms needed him to stand again, to join in again the barrage of smoke and lead.  So stand he did, his eyes desperate, scanning again for... his gun...

Seeing it tossed to the side of his body, he stretched for it, again that fleeting thought- why does everything seem so light, so surreal, so...  quiet...  but forcing such thoughts away, his hand finally reaching the barrel of his trusty firearm, flailing his hands in urgency as he tried to grip it.  Anxiety suddenly made him pause, frustration in his limbs building.  He could SEE his gun, but he could not TOUCH his gun.  it was almost as though his hands didn't exist!  Panic briefly rocketed through his brain, knowing any moment the harbinger of doom would peak over the horizon, muzzle flashing certain death...

Death.

And then, his eyes came to rest again on his body.

Lifeless.

Breath stolen from his lungs.

Blood soaked wounds illustrating the character of the man he was in life.

"Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends..."  

Those were the words of Jesus.  He remembered learning them so long ago in Sunday School back home.  Home, a place he now realized he would not see again.  Father and Mother, whom he would not embrace again.  The woman he loved, whose eyes he would not gaze into again.  For a moment, his heart shattered inside his ghostly shell, more powerful than the explosion that had taken his life.  If he had eyes his tears would have steamed like rivers at the realization that shook his soul...

But only momentarily, as peace washed over him from above.  Peace that showed him his life had purpose, his death not in vain, as the Divine brought to his mind the faces of his brothers spared from destruction by his own actions.  Foresight flooded him as he saw the faces of his loved ones, sorrowful, yet safe.  Hope overwhelmed him, as he saw the end of the battle, and the preservation of his people and his nation.

He looked down again at his lifeless body, understanding now the permanent condition of his sacrifice; and though his heart was heavy but for a moment, greater still was his reward- the reward of knowing that his love for his friends, for his family, his nation, would prevail and live on.  And so he looked up, arms outstretched in one final gesture, leaving behind the broken shell in one final act that boldly proclaimed he would not have changed one thing in his last heroic seconds of his life, because

Greater love has no man than this...

And he loved well.

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, to all who sacrificed everything so that we may live; may we learn to love like you.

Regret

The sad truth is, life is but a fleeting moment.  We hear this and sometimes think this about our own lives... that we must make the most out of our life, for soon our life will be over.  But there is a greater truth to it.  

You see, we all have loved ones and friends.  We all have people who mean so much to us; at least, that is what we tell ourselves.  But if they mean so much to us, why then do we take them for granted?  We do not invest in people.  We do not invest in people we love.  We do not invest in people who are supposed to be important to us.  

I see this as more and more, a growing and worsening trend.  People are more addicted to their phones, ipads and tablets than they are with the company they are surrounded with.  We cannot make it through a ten minute conversation without scrolling through our phones.  Social media is the greatest extent of our social life...

But the hard truth is this:

All of our loved ones will eventually move away, move out of our lives, and die.  And we will always be left alone.

Read that again...

I say this not to depress you, but to warn you...  Put down the things that don't matter.  Cherish your loved ones in the brief few seconds you are allowed to hold them.  Spend today WITH them, not in their presence, but WITH them; for tomorrow they will be gone, and you will only have regret to hold.

Space Reborn: Bleeding Out

I have long been an advocate for young earth creationism. Evolution, though pushed by the scientific community at large, is not a theory you will find me clinging to. 

However...

One thing I have learned is that, evolution of life is true. Now before you wonder if my beliefs have changed, let me explain: I am not talking about Darwin's ramblings, but rather, the evolution of our thoughts, our minds, our hearts.

Perhaps it is best to outline it this way: I am not the same person I was yesterday. Or the day before. Or even 10 years before. Who I am has, in a sense, evolved. It has changed. My life and soul have begun the process of bleeding out what I once was, and has been bleeding it out for a very long time. 

I am no longer the brash young man, but rather, have evolved into someone more thoughtful, and hopefully more wise. Someone who attempts to be more kind, more merciful, more... human... while remembering others, even those whom I find disagreement and fault with, are also human.

I pray to God that I continue this process of bleeding out the old man, and evolving into the new one- the one whom is Christ like in nature, in truth, in hope, in love.  After all, He says that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation... and that new creation is so much more, so much better than the old.

This is space, reborn.

Let Love Shine

     There was another shooting today: Twenty four shot, five dead, they tell us.  In of all places, a town in Texas... 

     I may be off my rocker here, but it seems to me that there has been a pretty large increase in shootings lately.  It makes me long for the days when I was a kid- when stories like this rarely, if ever, highlighted the evening news.  People just didn't go around shooting others.  It is not that it never happened, it just was so rare that it was practically unheard of!  It also makes me brokenhearted for this generation, who just can't seem to get away from news about shootings...
   
     I am no scholar, nor am I a great philosopher; therefore, I will shy away from the idea that I can somehow solve the great mystery of why humanity has lost it's mind.  Nor am I a conspiracy theorist, so I will not follow Alice and her flag down the rabbit hole of endless possibilities.  It seems anyone can think of an interesting (and often cazy) scenario if they stare at their t.v. too long...
   
     I think it would be a tragedy to politicize the events of the day, though I know people on every side of government and media are already drooling at the mouth with the narrative possibilities to push their respective agendas.  I will, instead, remind you of my thoughts- and hopefully they will help to illuminate something we all need to remember.
   
     There is, in this world, evil.  Evil has many names and wears many faces.  Sometimes he appears as a gunman. Sometimes he appears as betrayer.  Sometimes we think he is a friend...  But often, we cannot control how he will arrive.  We can only control how we react.  And in reaction, we can control what evil can and cannot do to us.

     The easy response to evil is fear or anger.  These are easy emotions for us to release; and they easily manipulate us like a puppet on strings.  In many cases, others will see our reactions of fear and anger as opportunity- and often those very people are the ones who pull the strings that now dictate further feelings and actions.  But that is not the best or most beneficial response.

     I implore you instead, that you react in kindness and love.  Instead of uncontrolled breakdowns, take hold of your emotions.  Instead of going into attack mode, seek out others to show love and compassion to.  When we react in said fear and anger, too often we reflect the very evil we hate.  But perhaps if we instead set aside ourselves for a moment, and determine that evil will not beget more evil in our hearts; if we instead embrace love, mercy, compassion- perhaps then we can begin to unravel the hatred that has gripped us by the neck. 

Let us live like we love, even in darkness- so that our light may shine in the blackest of places.

In The Name Of Love

                Marting Luther King Jr. once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  It is that thought that echoes in my mind as I think about the ever famous chapter 13 in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church, the letter of 1 Corinthians- the chapter commonly referred to as “The Love Chapter”; arguably one of the most famous passages in Scriptures.  As Adolf Harnack once said, it is “the greatest, strongest, deepest thing Paul ever wrote”.  So please, for a moment, entertain my thoughts as I discuss this most critical piece of literature.

In our life, in our culture, in the history there can be no doubt of a certain struggle that has plagued humanity since the dawn of time.  It is the never-ending war with hate.  There are many different theories as to why this is, even amongst the greatest minds of theology.  And while we can argue over whether it is total depravity, some outside influence of an evil force, or the environment in which we are raised- there is no arguing the fact that hate has had a predominant hand in all of the human tragedies caused by the hand of another.  Hate has been more deadly than all plagues known to man; and yet, rather than fight for a cure, we dive more deeply into it. 

My friends, this ought not to be.  When we all see that sin that causes so much death enveloping us like a poisonous fog, the answer is not to continue breathing in the toxin; rather, we should flee it to the only cure known to man, the only solution to bring us from this chasm- Love. 

But instead of love, we find ourselves pitted against each other over petty things.  We instead turn to exalting things about ourselves that, without love, are completely irrelevant.  We think ourselves holy in the exercise of our spirituality, talents and gifts; yet in the absence of love, and therefore, in the absence of God Himself- who looks away from our self-glorifying works.  We believe ourselves to be something wonderful; yet when lacking love, we are just an empty shell.

It is for this very reason that we find Paul addressing the Corinthian Church on matters of love.  They had fallen into the trap of the Pharisee, seeing the great and marvelous actions at their own hand; listening to their own muttered prayers and supposed speaking in tongues of angels; holding themselves upon a pedestal above others.  When one felt he was “blessed” with a gift, he would look down upon another whom he felt was less blessed, not as righteous as he.  They would boast in their gifts while ignoring the glaring issue that all they did was vacant of love for God and love for others.

This was the background for chapter 13.  In 12, Paul first addressed the use of gifts and the reality that what you do outwardly is not a sign of how great you are within; in fact, he writes, that each person with their unique gift was imperative to the work of Christ and to the church as a whole.  He concludes by saying, “But earnestly desire the greater gifts- And I show you a still more excellent way.”  (12:31)

And what is that most excellent way?  Paul makes it abundantly clear: Love.  He begins 13 with three very direct statements concerning works and gifts: “If I speak with tongues of men and angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.”

This is the first and most basic understanding of love.  Righteousness is not being able to do wonderful things.  Look at some of the things that Paul points out- “If I can speak with tongues of men and angels”- does it really matter if I have the most eloquent of speech?  Does it matter if I can hold the attention of thousands, if I can speak with the proverbial golden tongue if love is devoid of my speech? No; for without love, I am in the end only muttering useless sounds that are unintelligible to the soul.  He goes on to state that having all knowledge, having understanding of mysteries, gifts of prophecy or great faith- are useless knowledge and useless faith without love.  In fact he very directly says having these gifts without love reduces him to nothing!  And he wraps up this section by saying that though he make great sacrifice in his life, if not done in love, it profits him absolutely nothing.  So then, the question must be asked- if these things practiced on their own merit are useless, what then is love?  If love is the key, what is it?  And of greater importance, what impact can love- when understood in it’s true concept- have on this world of hate in which we live?

We are most fortunate that Paul must have anticipated this question to be asked for centuries to come.  He takes the remaining time in chapter 13 to help us have complete understanding of this most sacred word.  He breaks it down as such: 7 examples of what love is, and 8 examples of what love is not.  While this explanation is helpful to us, it also served a secondary purpose.  As John Calvin stated, “I have also no doubt that he designed indirectly to reprove the Corinthians, by setting before them a contrast, in which they might recognize, by way of contraries, their own vices.”

So let us first take a look at the 8 things Paul identifies as the opposite of love:  1. Not jealous 2. Does not brag 3. Is not arrogant 4. Does not act unbecomingly 5. Does not seek its own 6. Is not provoked 7. Does not take account of wrong 8. Does not rejoice in unrighteousness.  Some of these should be pretty self explanatory; however, let us take a brief moment to look a little deeper.

The first, that love lacks jealousy, speaks to the reality that you cannot look at what another has and covet it.  How can you love that person if you cannot take your mind off what they own?  If you feel that what God has gifted them belongs more rightfully to you, then you are exalting yourself above them.  In a more intimate relationship, jealousy can look different- behaving as a territorial primate, demanding to control their every move.  This also does not show forth love, for in a figurative sense, you have caged them and attempt to control their freedom.  This is not something love would do.

In the same respect, love does not brag and is not arrogant, nor does it seek its own.  These three go together, as they both- once again- involve exalting self.  As long as you are your main focus in the relationship, love will be absent.  For how can you attend to the need of another if you are constantly looking out for your own?  How can you love a person whom you constantly belittle or degrade, either through word or action?

Love does not act unbecomingly, Calvin again refers to this as acting ostentatious- which means a vulgar display intended to impress or attract notice.  Once again, this is an action solely on yourself.  Perhaps once again, Paul may have been thinking about relationships in the Body of Christ, as the Corinthians were struggling with spiritually vulgar actions meant to draw attention to themselves…  But I digress.

Finally, love does not take account of wrong, is not easily provoked and does not rejoice in unrighteousness…  I think the main overall thought is, that once again, love puts our feelings aside for the greater good of the relationship.  Rather than focus on the negative, love lets go for the sake of peace.  My feelings are sacrificed for the sake of love, expecting nothing in return.

Paul counters with a good description of what love is.  After very vividly painting that love of self is the opposite of love for others, he shows us clearly the lesson we must learn if we are to survive, not only as a culture, but as the Body of Christ.  Love is patient, love is kind- when we deal with others, our compassion must shine through! Love rejoices in truth- for even though truth may hurt, lies and deception are much more destructive.  Love bears and endures all things- right or wrong, good or bad, love will carry the burden through to the end- as our wedding vows say, til death do us part.  Love believes all things, love hopes all things…  Paul is essentially writing that no matter how dark, love never gives up.  It presses forth, holding fast to hope above all.

Paul then ends the section by stating that love never fails.  This is why Paul said it is a much more excellent way.  Because every other gift given, whether tongues or healing or prophecy- these things are not eternal.  These things will fade.  These things will come to an end.  Material possessions and gifts will blow away like the wind.  But love- love is eternal. Love can never fail.  Love never ceases.  Love never ends.

The gifts that the Corinthians seem so enamored with, are likened unto things needed for our spiritual immaturity.  They are the gifts of spiritual children.  We see the mysteries of God through a dim glass, but when they have fallen away, and only love is left behind- when we enter eternity with no need of tongues and prophecies- then we will see clearly.  Then we will have reached our full spiritual maturity.  It is what we should strive for.  It is what should be our motivation.  It should be the one action (for love is not a feeling, but a verb) that we stress more than any other when dealing with our brothers and sisters in Christ- and with the lost. 

Love is, the more excellent way.

Death of a Legacy: The End of Hate

I saw this picture the other day, and it struck me.  It was taken at a KKK rally in 1992, and here we see this small child, too young to really know what the outfit he is wearing even means, staring at his reflection...  I wonder to myself where this child is now.  What does he think when he sees this photograph?  Is he hateful?  Does the KKK represent his values?  Does he see himself for who he really is?

Hate is such a powerful force in this world.  But as with all things, hate must come to an end.  And in time, it will.  Take, for example, the case of one hateful Fred Phelps.  Phelps was the pastor of a pseudo-church that made a habit of spreading hate. The Westboro band spread their brand by hauling signs to funerals proclaiming "God Hates Fags", and though their message was very "loud and proud", they clearly demonstrated by their lack of church size that hate is a losing message.

I say, "was the pastor", because Mr. Phelps is now dead.  One can only hope that his message will die with him; but that is not why I am writing this piece.  The thoughts that run through my mind at the moment are a mixed bag of nuts, but I will try and sort them out in brief fashion...

First off, I find it important to express to the reader, that Mr. Phelps does not represent the teachings of Christ, or the Bible.  Now I know you may be thinking, "But I thought the Bible taught that homosexuality was a sin?" You are exactly right.  It does.  But it also teaches that adultery is a sin. And it teaches that pornography and lust of the heterosexual nature are sins. Ironically, it also teaches that gossip, greed, jealousy, and gluttony are also all sins- with the same end result.  And most importantly, it teaches that hate is not only a sin- but a sin equal to murder in the eyes of God.

So, there we have it. Mr. Phelps may have been right that homosexuality is a sin; but he was in no better place, as biblically speaking, he would be compared to a murderer.  His actions were equally offensive to God.  The darkness in his heart tainted and distorted any truth his message may have had...

As Christians, it is imperative that we understand one thing: Love.  Yes, we are to stand for what is right. Yes, we are to be speakers of truth. Yes, we are called by God to preach repentance of sins. But we are also called by God to love. There MUST be a balance.  Paul wrote so very eloquently in 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 that our words may be the best words- but if they are spoken without love, they are just noise; that our wisdom and knowledge may be top notch, but if it is void of love, then it is nothing; and that our actions may astound the world, but if they are done without love as the motive, it will gain us nothing in the end.

And that is just what Mr. Phelps gained for all his life's work- nothing. Let us not ridicule him, or wish him safe journeys to hell- for in so doing we lower ourselves to his level. But rather let us look to him as a warning beacon for what happens when we allow bitterness, unforgiveness, and hate to rule our hearts. Let us examine ourselves in honesty and truth, and allow the Holy Spirit to convict us if love is not our motive.  And let us find ourselves always acting with all love, for if Christ so loved the world- so should we.

Political Reflections From the Corners of My Mind

Life has a funny way of changing course on you.  One moment you think you are heading towards the east, then you encounter a cerebral shift and are headed west.  They call them the winds of change, and they ever blow as you travel this life's journey.  So has been the case with me.

A year ago, I was seriously thinking about an eventual career in politics.  I had recently been elected Precinct Committeeman and Vice Chairman for my district, in the Canyon County Republican Party.  I was given tasks such as creating a facebook page for the Central Committee, and notifying the newspapers of upcoming events.  I think at one time I was given the title "Chairman of Public Relations"...  It was kind of an odd duck fit, since really I knew very little of what I was doing, and didn't ask for the positions.  They just all sort of... happened.  I was liked by people both of the establishment and non-establishment persuasion.  Things were progressing well, for someone who was an absolute novice with future political aspirations. 

Then as I was staring in at the pitcher one evening, he threw me a curveball.  The freaky thing is, I was expecting a fastball.  In laymen's terms, life took one of it's unusual twists.

I had done some minor P.R. work for a man who was running for office; I didn't know him, but after talking a bit with him, felt confident he would stand for my values.  He had a specific promise- that he would vote against the State Insurance Exchange.  It was his big selling point, especially since his opponent was campaigning for it.  I bought his schpeel; I wrote letters to the editor for him, I got others to do the same.  I monitored public forums, making sure he got a positive spin.  I put my name with his... and then, when he was elected, he went back on his promise and voted for said State Exchange.  Umm, yeah, I still have your election literature that says... oh, never mind...

I was... quite frustrated.  But, I am a forgiving person...  So when another legislator drafted an amendment that would offer protections to religious employers, I approached him, asking him to at least support it.  He promised that he would support life and religious liberty, and that I needn't worry- all would be well.  I believed him.  The very next day he went out and voted against it.

I should note that this man was a conservative republican.  As were many other elected officials here in this state who, despite public outcry, voted for what they thought best as opposed to the will of the people.  This was a huge awakening moment for me...  As I realized that all men in politics, regardless of ideology or party affiliation, are the same.  With few exception, they clock in to the state house, they vote for what will best build their kingdom, and the people are left wondering what happened to their knight in shining armor that was supposed to be "The One".

It was in this moment in life that I came to the astonishing conclusion that very little done on the battlefield of politics is relevant to the end game.  The system is rigged for failure; it is only a matter of time until this train crashes head on into the wall it is racing toward. And we, the general public, are left with the all important question: Do we carry on with this quest? Or do we divert to something that will have lasting impact?

Everyone must answer that question for themselves; for me, the answer is to refocus and to redeem the time.  I have set aside my political aspirations. I have stepped out of any future election races.  Lasting change can only be won on one battleground: the heart.  As I pointed out to a dear friend of mine, even if all you want were to come to fruition, even if you got the leaders and the laws the way you want- if the heart of the people remains as is, in four years your efforts will vanish like a vapor. 

At the end of the day, I do not believe in stressing over the possibilities of what may or may not happen anyway.  This country may be in a bad place, but I also know how things are going to end.  Instead of stressing, perhaps we as Christians should be living in joy over the knowledge that light WILL overcome the darkness.  Time is short, and perhaps we Christians have spent too much time going crazy over a pagan society being run by a pagan president and the choices they make.  Remember, we are not of this world.  Our primary concern is not restoring the kingdom of America- but building the kingdom of God. 

Changing a law lasts only a moment; changing a heart lasts for eternity.

Thow out the Baby With the Bathwater!

It has been too long since my last entry...  I think it is time to start this back up again... So, here we go:

I have been noticing a disturbing trend in society.  What is it, you ask? Is it that there seems to be an increase in violence? Well, that may be true, and that certainly does play in to what is on my mind, but no.  Nor is it any relation to drugs or politics, or comedies that just aren't comedy-ic.  I have observed, that it seems we are too much anymore a throw away society. 

What I mean is, we throw away important things way too quickly, for reasons that are just heartbreaking when you examine them.  Do you know what I am talking about?  Let me start with this example:  Marriage.  Because we are a fast-food society (I want it now, so I am going to get it now), people often rush into marriage long before they should.  They get that goose-bumpy feeling whenever their crush walks by and they think they are in love... ah, sweet love!  So they look past reality and plunge straight into a serious relationship.  And then marriage.  And then the slightest bump comes along, and all of a sudden that goose-bumpy feeling is gone.  The thought floods into our head that obviously, we are no longer in love.  The end result? A quick run down to divorce court.  "My husband just can't stand the fact that I buy creamy peanut butter instead of crunchy." "My wife gets so upset because I watch too many sports, and I am not giving that up." Or whatever the case may be.

The end result is, broken hearts, broken families.  Usually over something stupid. Or over a refusal to forgive.

But it doesn't only involve marriages.  It goes to friendships as well.  We find the people who we believe think like us . We spend time with them.  We invest in them. We pour our hearts into them.  Bonds and memories are built; while we tell ourselves that it will last a lifetime.  But what happens in our society when one friend offends another?  People who were once unseperable, who were the proverbial "two peas in a pod", walk away angry, hurt, and bitter. 

I think the saddest part of this is, that from my personal observations, in almost all cases it was something not worth fighting over.  Either there was a miscommunication- which most offenses are, by the way- or it is once again, the lack of forgiveness over things that are not that serious of an offense when we really examine it.

Once again, there is those words- a lack of forgiveness. I know that too often in my life, I have demonstrated this.  I think if we are honest, we all have.  And what are we left with?  Regret. Hurt feelings. Wishing things could have been different, but refusing to be the first to budge. Refusing to admit that maybe- just maybe- we were wrong, and we just contributed to this new trend of a throw-away society.

Jesus demonstrated perfectly what must be done when we are offended.  You see, we offended Him- and we still do! Yet He was willing to look past that and stand in our place in judgement.  When He was on the cross, he did not curse those who nailed Him there. He didn't even demonstrate anger. Instead, He said "Father, forgive them." 

I think it is time we buck the trend.  There are already too many broken hearts and broken relationships.  If someone or something is important to you, then hold on to it. Hold on to it with all your might.  If someone offends you, don't be so quick to walk away.  Work through it!  So much time has already been invested- why waste that? 

Too often, important things are thrown to the trash heap...  And we will only be left with regret.  We will find, at the end of the day, that if we conform to this throw away mentality- the person we end up hurting the most, is ourselves.

Of Hope and Fairness in Connecticut

I will be honest...  There are many times in life that I wish things were fair.  Many times that I sit down, examine personal events, or events in the world around me, and wish that life was fair.  There are even times I pray to God that He would make it fair.  It just doesn't seem right, the way things play out.  It doesn't seem... fair.  And yet, despite my pleas, life moves on along the same track, the idea of fair foreign to it's native language, a word not uttered by it's mocking tongue.  No matter how much I would like for it to be different, that track it rolls down is a hard and abusive one, with dips and cracks and breaks and falls and sometimes- derailments.  It doesn't seem fair because shouldn't that track be smooth?  In a perfect world, yes... but in this world...

I will be honest...  Today was a day that I cried out to God, wanting desperately for Him to make life fair.  Not for me, no- but for twenty little children.  Not for me, no- but for the parents of those 20 children.  Not for me, no- but for the grandparents, the brothers, the sisters, the aunts, the uncles, the cousins, the friends, for all of those who quite literally had their hearts torn from their chest and could do nothing but watch life stomp frantically on that heart, stomp it into the ground until it stopped beating, broken beyond any repair that mankind can offer... 

Oh, God- please make life fair for them.

People across this Country saw the news, the tragedy.  26 people dead.  20 of them children.  Kindergartners.  Children between the ages of 5-8.  The calls have gone out for people to pray.  Pray!  We were told.  Pray for the families!  Voices pleaded.  I am no stranger to prayer, but I must again be honest and say that prayer was a stranger to me today.  Not because I was unwilling- but because I didn't have words.  All I could do was weep for so many broken hearts.  All I could think about was those parents who had bought and wrapped Christmas presents, placed neatly under the tree, that will never be opened.  All I could think about was parents who, a week ago, were stressed about putting cookies out for Santa- are now at a loss because their children are no longer there to share cookies with.  All I could think about was parents who have gone from planning Christmas dinners- to planning funerals. 

Some of you reading this may think me crazy.  After all, I did not know one single victim in today's tragedy.  So how, pray tell, could I get so upset, so worked up, over the deaths of children I did not even know!  But I dare say, that if you do not get upset, if this does not bother you, if this does not weigh heavy on your heart- then you are the one who is crazy.  While it is true this happened several states away, in Connecticut- somewhere I have never even visited for a moment- it is equally true that it could have happened here.  It is equally true that it very easily could have been a child I knew, a family I knew that was broken.  It could have been- my child.

Evil exists here as much as anywhere else in the world.  Life is not more fair here in my neck of the woods.  They say justice is blind, and that may be true- but it is not as blind as tragedy.  And while we gather around our t.v.'s trying to catch glimpses of a madman's motive, there is a  deeper question that must be answered.  It is  question that, if we dare look in the mirror of our soul, we will see staring us in the face.  We must ask ourselves- what if it was  my child?  What if it was my loved one?  What if it was my mom or dad, my grandparent, my brother, my sister, my friend?  Would we bury our loved ones in grief?  Or would we bury them in shame?  Would we treasure our moments we had with them?  Or would we regret the moments we didn't have?  Even worse- would we regret the moments we did have?  Those moments of anger, those moments, of irritation, those moments of frustration, those moments that once tragedy strikes we wish we could have every single one back if just to hold  for one more minute...

With today officially coming to a close, I finally have some words to form into a prayer.  I pray that today you will remember, that there are some things in life more important than getting the newest i-phone or gaming system.  I pray you remember that anger is not worth holding on to.  I pray that you remember that always being right isn't always what is best.  I pray that you make amends, that you allow healing in broken relationships, that this year for Christmas you give forgiveness...  I pray that, as a parent, never let your last words to them be harsh or angry, make sure they know you love them, make sure you hold them close to your heart.  I pray you treasure every stupid joke, every out of tune song that is sung, every question they ask that you don't understand why they are asking you again for the hundredth time...

Because once a treasure is gone, there is no getting it back.

Finally, I pray that you look to this time of year.  I pray that we would all be reminded, when faced with tragedy, the whole point of the first Christmas- to show us that even in our darkest hour there is hope.  Jesus Christ the Son of God was not born into a world that didn't need healing- He was born into a world that is unfair, tragic, and beyond any repair offered by man.  The first Christmas- His birthday- was to remind us that there is light, there is hope, there is healing from God if we seek it- even on the darkest day in Connecticut...

"The Lord heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds..."  Psalm 147:3

And I Love The Bitterness- Thanksgiving Thoughts

Thanksgiving.  Turkey day.  Day of national pride and honor, day of being thankful for all the blessings, thankful for all things bright and beautiful.  Yes, it is that time of year again.  To be honost  I do like this particular holiday.  I love the food- though I must admit I would rather see beef briscuit on the table than turkey.  Or a hamburger...  mmm yes, piled high with lettuce, tomatoe, onion, mushroom, jalapeno...  Can't go wrong anytime you serve that...  But food aside, it is nice to have a day set aside to thank God for all blessings great and small.

All month I have been watching and listening as people count down the days to this most sacred of holidays, recalling what is precious to them.  I have seen people move about, expressing thanks from their lips for everything from children to spouses, parents to siblings, houses, jobs and cars, and oh the list carries on...  But there has been one thing suspicously absent from all.  Well, several things actually, but for sake of easy reading and easier typing, I shall sum all of it up in one word: bitterness.

Allow me to explain what I am meaning, before I am cast off as a heathen and a hater.  Let me start off with something simple.  Joy.  True joy.  I assume that we have all felt it, some level of it anyway.  But can you truly and fully appreciate joy- without knowing sorrow?  What about gain- we all have gained something we appreciate, yes?  But what level of happiness does gain bring unless we have also experienced loss?  Do we understand freedom without slavery, or liberty without tyranny?  Can there be a winner without a loser?  Is it not true that everyone is a friend, and thus friendships are devalued, unless we have dealt with enemies?   Can we know the depths of love, can we understand it's impact on our lives without also having experienced hate?   

And speaking of love- would we ever, even just once, experience the healing power it holds- if we are never broken?

My friends- can we know just how sweet life is without knowing life's bitterness?

The reality is, without bitterness, the rest of life would blend together.  It would be one endless blah, with every emotion the same as the next, our senses dulled, and we would be left with the inability to comprehend the very emotions we crave.  Love, joy, peace, all would be as common to us as a glass of water or a handful of dirt.  I dare say, that without bitterness, we would still be broken, lost souls in need of a Savior- but never understanding why.  I don't think I would ever want to be in that state of mind...

So while it is true, this great turkey day I will be thanking God for all He has done for me, I will be grateful for the love, joy, peace, happiness... 

But I will also take a moment and thank God for the bitterness...  because what would life be without it?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone- and may God bless you in all things bright and beautiful- and may He bless you in the bitterness!

Mission Minded in America

WE ARE a Christian nation.  I hear this repeatedly.  It seems to be the mantra of most followers of Christ here in America, a mantra that seems cemented by the fact that most of the founders of this great land professed to be followers of the faith; it flows through the veins of our history; it is even reflected in our national motto:  In God We Trust.  Yes, it seems that everyone knows we are a Christian nation; especially the Christians.

This is both a blessing and a curse.  It is a blessing because it means that we enjoy a rich heritage of religious freedom.  As Christians we are sensitive to any attacks against that freedom that come our way; and even when we may not always be overly active in politics, we are quick to step up and speak out when religious liberty is threatened.  However, it is also a curse.  How so you say?  Allow me to explain...

American Christians are great at evangelizing- in other nations.  We are quick to run to other nations to spread the Gospel; and often when our missionaries go overseas they see great results- God moving in amazing ways, spreading revival throughout communities the missionaries work in, many people converting to become followers of Christ.  I will be the first to admit it is very exciting to hear the testimonies that missionaries have to share when they return from foreign soil.

However, we are not so quick to share the Gospel here.  It seems too often our mouths are more interested in praising our favorite sports team than we are praising God.  Our heart is more content seeking the American dream than seeking to fulfil the Great Commission.  We are more cautious with our words, which are chosen intentionally to ensure they do not offend those in this vast culture that may believe in something different.

And we have our excuses; sometimes they even sound good.  The one on my mind tonight though, is the following:  We are a Christian nation.  So perhaps I am missing something here...  Because we are a Christian nation, we as Christians are excused from sharing the Gospel here?  It saddens me to no end when people tell me this...  You see, in the mind of many Christians, so much of our culture revolves around Christianity that they really believe everyone here has already heard the good news...  There is no point in making a special effort, in living mission minded in this land- because everyone has heard it already, and they have either chosen to accept or reject it.

You may ask- why does this sadden you?  Isn't it true?  In this nation where Jesus is so prevalent that His name is even a common curse word, shouldn't we turn more attention to other lands and not be so concerned about it here?  After all, we will probably just offend others anyway, and then we will be labeled as self-righteous people who are just some weird kind of zealot...

Well?  Is it true?

Tonight I had the opportunity to speak with a couple of teenagers about Jesus Christ.  I asked them who they thought He was.  Their response?  He was a guy who taught some religious stuff.  I asked them if they knew what sin was.  Would you believe they didn't?  They genuinely did not know what it meant to be a sinner!!  It was a great joy that God allowed me to explain the Gospel to them-  it is with greater joy that I have a new brother and sister in Christ when all was said and done...  But the reason and purpose for this blog is not to shine a light on that, but rather on this fact:  So many of us assume that everyone in America has heard the Gospel, that everyone knows what sin is, that everyone knows who Jesus is; we become so convinced of this that we make little or no effort to evangelize our neighbors, our co-workers, or families, our friends, or whoever else God places in our path...

The fact is, there are a lot of Americans that we have placed labels and assumptions on, who don't fit in to it at all.  The reality is that this society is so exposed to the Gospel that many of the lost have become desensitized to it's message, never getting the whole of the truth.  The reality is that too often we replace genuine evangelism with bumper sticker and t-shirt slogans, giving out only a half-hearted morsel of the whole loaf of the bread of life. 

The reality is, here in America, Jesus' Words apply greatly :  "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few."

May I ask a question?  When was the last time you shared the Gospel with someone?  When was the last time you took a friend or co-worker aside and said, "can I tell you about Someone who has completely changed my life?"  When was the last time you saw someone hurting and you offered to pray for them- not just when you got home or when you remembered to, but stopped right there, stopped what you were doing, and prayed WITH them?  When was the last time you were intentional about being mission minded here in America? 

I must confess- too often I am not.  It grieves me to think of missed opportunities because I fell into the trap of believing "they have probably already heard it"... 

Jesus never said, "Go-unless you think they already know."

Does that mean every time we share people will choose to accept Christ right then and there?  No.  Jesus was clear that many will reject Him, few will follow.  But you see that part isn't up to us.  It isn't for us to make the decision for them, and it isn't for us to get discouraged and give up when they don't.  What is for us is to be obedient.  And what is for us is that when we are obedient, we will see God move!  You see, I really believe Jesus' Words, the harvest IS plentiful here in America!  There are so many that have yet to hear the truth in our own backyard! 

Do me a favor would ya?  Let's agree together to be intentionally mission minded in THIS Country, in OUR state, in OUR city, in OUR neighborhood- you and me!  What do you say? 

I believe God will move and use us in an extraordinary way if we will commit to that!  Let's be a part of His harvest here in America!

Why Libya Matters

IT WAS not that long ago we were honoring the memory of September 11.  There were prayer events, political events, and times of reflection at sporting events.  The nation was reminded of that time in our recent history when we suffered violently at the hands of terrorists...  That time when so many of our American citizens died, and we swore that it would happen NEVER again.  We had our time of tears, but those tears turned to anger, and that anger fueled war, in an attempt to send a clear mesage to the world:  NEVER AGAIN.  We thought that they heard us.  The question is- did they?

That was answered 11 years after the first 9/11 attack.  11 years to the day.  September 11, 2012 was a new day for terror.  This time, the attack happened at our Consulate in Libya.  An act of violence using military grade weapons and took the lives of 4 Americans.  While it is true that we did not lose as many as we did on the orriginal 9/11, it does not discount the fact that our people were murdered.  To their families, it is irrelevant if it was 4 or 3,000.  Their lives are changed forever, their loved ones are never returning home to hug them, to kiss them, to hold them.  Their world fractured that day.  What makes it worse, though, is that a time that should be reserved for sorrow and healing has been fractured as well.  Only this time it was not rocket launchers, gunfire, or mortars that has left a crater on their soul- no, this time it is betrayal.

Betrayal.  A strong word, but we must understand the events of that day, and in so doing understand that the events at Libya were not just some random thing that happened, they were not some minor event in American history, nor was it something we should just ignore.  Now I know the concern that some may have- we should not politicize the deaths of four Americans.  I agree.  I think it would be a grave disservice to them to turn this into a partisan politics arguement.  HOWEVER- we must not avoid the discussion in fear of being taken as politicizing the event either.

We must first look at some facts that we do know:  First, that there was an attack on sovereign American soil.  International law states that a country's consulates in foreign land is sovereign soil to that nation.  Basicly, if you attack a consulate you are in effect attacking that nation.  So the American consulate in Libya was, by international law, sitting on American soil.  The attack there on that fateful September day then, in the eyes of international law- as well as our own- was no different than if they had attacked us here in the states.

Less than a mile away from the consulate, there were 2 Navy SEALs.   Upon hearing the gunshots they radiod in for support, requesting aid as they went into action to protect American soil, and more importantly, American lives.  They were denied help.  And they were told to stand down.  They were told to do nothing as their fellow Americans fell under attack.

They chose to defy orders.

They left their safety and went into action, engaging the enemy in a firefight, rescuing 30 American citizens that day.  Unfortunately they were not able to save everyone, as 2 other Americans- one of them our ambassador to Libya- were killed.  Finally, near the end of a 7 hour firefight, these two Navy SEALs were killed in action as well.

After the attack we were told repeatedly by our President, by our Vice President, by the Secretary of State, and by all the other mouthpieces in between that this was the result of an anti-muslim video that had been made and put out on youtube.  This video, which reportedly had 17 views before this incident, supposedly set the whole middle east into a blazing riot. 

But that was not the case at all, as we have since learned that there was no protest.  There was no uprising.  In fact, less than an hour after the attack began- WHILE our men were still fighting- an islamic terrorist group was taking credit for it.  Yes, my friends, we have learned that indeed this was a terrorist attack.  On our soil.  And our government, as investigations have proven, knew this the whole time.  Not only did they know about it- but they lied to the American people about what it was.  They covered up for a terrorist group as long as they could.  And as testimonies and evidence have surfaced, they watched the attack on live video feed.  They watched as these 2 SEALs fought to save others.  They watched as they called for help, for backup, for something.  They denied their requests, and then they watched them die.

Why does this matter, you ask?  First of all, because of several unanswered questions.  WHY was there inadequate security at this consulate?  WHY were the SEALs told to stand down and not engage the enemy?  WHY were their repeated calls for help denied?  WHY were other military and CIA branches also told to do nothing and to stand down when they requested to go in for back up?  WHY did our government do nothing but watch as this terrorist attack unfolded?  WHY DID THEY COVER FOR A TERRORIST GROUP AS LONG AS THEY COULD UNTIL THEY COULD NO LONGER LIE ABOUT IT BEING A PROTEST? 

WHY should we think this is anything less than treason?

Why does this matter?  How is this not politicizing this event?  Because republican, democrat, liberal, conservative, it really doesn't matter what the president believes.  This was nothing less than intentionally leaving our men to die.  They may have been killed by mortars and gunfire that day- but it was this administration's lack of involvement that enabled their murder.  By OUR law, that is called being an accomplice to murder.  It matters not what the party affiliation is.  This was just wrong.

In the democrat primaries in 2008, Hillary Clinton campaigned against Barak Obama, asking the question- what will you do when you get a call at 3 a.m. in the morning about an American attack...

Well...  Now we know what the answer to her question is. 

What will he do?  Nothing.  Nothing but watch. 

My friends, is this really what we want from our president?  Is this what we should expect?  This behavior does not warrant four more years as leader of the free world- it warrants 40 to life behind bars.

Hamster Wheel Theology

"I have hidden Your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against Thee."  Psalm 119:11...  Have you ever sat down and just absorbed that verse?  Put all of your own thoughts aside, sitting somewhere, maybe laying in bed at night, just absorbing what David meant... 

I have met so many Christians- including myself- that have said something along the lines of, oh if only I could overcome this sin, I promise Lord to do better next time, etc. etc. etc.  It seems that too often we get caught like a hamster in his stupid wheel, spinning and spinning it, running with all our might to escape it, yet never going anywhere.  The next step, we say, will free us from our bondage.  When it doesn't and we get worn out, we stop for a breather and say to ourselves "I will no longer be in this place, I will be free", only to pick the pace right back up in our little hamster wheel.

Running, running, running.  Spinning, spinning, spinning.  Going nowhere fast.  Our never ending quest to outrun what we cannot.

The truth is that we cannot escape our little hamster wheel on our own.  They say that if you do not learn from history you are doomed to repeat it...  And sadly, we will keep repeating it.  The same spokes of the wheel repeatedly passing under our feet.  Because too often we do not learn. 

This brings me back to Psalm 119:11.  David, ironically, gives us the key to escape our spinning world.  "I have hidden Your Word in my heart"... 

How do you hide the Word in your heart?  By reading it.  No, not just merely scanning over a few verses a day.  Rather, we must READ it.  Absorb it.  Meditate on it.  Study it.  David hid the Word in His heart because it was God's Word, and God's Word is life changing.  When we absorb His Word it penetrates the very darkest depths of our soul, and changes us from the inside out, in ways we could never comprehend or accomplish ourselves. 

I am not meaning picking and choosing either.  I have seen too many people take a verse here or a verse there and build theology from it.  But we must guard against that temptation.  What David was referring to was not a verse by verse theological argument- he didn't write "I have hidden chapter 10 vs. 2 in my heart" but rather, Thy Word. 

Are you stuck in a hamster wheel of repetitious stupidity and sin?  My friend, now is the time to step out of it, step away from the norm of the world, step away from the self help advice and replace it all with His Word, in your heart.  It's that simple.  When you fill up on the Word, when you absorb it, when you hide it in your heart- He will change you. 

Step out of the wheel.  You are not a hamster, after all...

America Again

I HAVE TO BE HONEST...

Gov. Rick Perry was my first choice for the republican nominee for president in 2012.  That guy, in my humble opinion, is a rock star governor not afraid to live his faith.  But... sadly he was defeated rather quickly and quite handily.  SO... My second choice was Michelle Bauchman.  I love that woman; she is not afraid to say what needs to be said when it should be said...  Sadly, she was also defeated rather quikly.  Well, you know what they say- the third time's a charm, so I went with Sen. Rick Santorum...  only to be disappointed at his lack of finishing big.  well, I guess he did come in second...

One thing is for certain, my very last choice was Mitt Romney.  A guy who came across as a moderate establishment candidate.  A guy who was carrying an awful big chain around his neck with bling attached to it that plainly read "Romneycare" in the gold glittery letters.  A guy who was the poster child for the evil "one percent" that the left was going nutso about.  Yeah... that guy.  I hate to say, but I was more excited to bob for dead fish in a barrel than to vote for Romney.

I was firm in my convictions, refusing to acknowledge him as a viable candidate.  When it became clear that he would be our nominee I entered a state of political depression, preparing my mind for another Obama victory.  Visions of the end of America floated through my head.  I was beginning to accept the premise of doom.

You see, I understand that the America I grew up with, the America that I had known and loved since I was a small child, is in critical condition.  She is laying in the ICU room for nations, on life support.  The prognosis is dim.  Hope is not lost- but those with any logic know it might as well be.  Her light is fading from her eyes, and her torch is but an ember.  She has been beaten down by an administration that promised hope and change, and instead gave us no hope and a beating with chains.  That once great Lady Liberty, crippled at the hands of her leader.  Her people made to believe that American exceptionalism was a demonic plague.  Her people assured that to believe in America as the last great hope, that city on a hill for all other nations to look to, was nothing more than a corrupt dream worthy of being abandoned on the trash heap of unfairness.  No, we were told, it is time to look beyond what was and accept a new reality- that America needs to be brought to her knees, brought to a place where all the other nations can see eye to eye with her.  Eye to eye, that is, as she looks up- at them.

That America, that once was great, that was the beacon of hope to all the world, had had it's beacon of hope extinguished by a leader who promised hope.  Oh, how I look back to my youth, back to the America I grew up in, longing for her to pull through, to stand back up lifting high the notion that ALL men are created equal, that ALL men have the right to life and liberty, that ALL men can be free to pursue their dreams and reach as far as they are able, that ALL men through hard work, blood, sweat and tears can one day reach their dreams- and more importantly, that they can impact their neighborhood, their city, their state, their country, their world- that we are more than just a number, a nameless peasant...

I WANT that America back.

I WANT a better future for my children and grandchildren.

But I don't see that.  I don't see anything but Lady Liberty taking her last dying breath under this administration.

That is where I was.  That is what I saw.  I had no faith in the possibility of a victory for conservatism. 

But then...  I watched something unfold.  It was called hope.  Not a glittery hope, not honey-like words spoken from the lips of a seducer in chief.  No, there was something else here.  It was hope spoken from a man once held in sway by the liberal left.  It was hope spoken from a woman reflecting on being that little girl refused hamburgers at the local gathering because of her skin color, later elevated to Secretary of State.  It was hope spoken from a man whose family immigrated from communist Cuba, whose father and mother poured sweat- not for their dreams, but for the dreams of their son.  It was hope spoken from a man who assured us that it is ok- no, not just ok but the right thing to do to believe in America again!

The reminder that WE are the employers, and that this president has been no more effective than an empty chair flooded through my mind- and I pray yours.  The reminder that THIS president, who PROMISED to slow the rise of the waters and to heal the lands SADLY FORGOT the millions of Americans without work, without food, losing homes, losing dreams, losing the very hope that they were promised.  Most importantly, we were reminded that IT IS NEVER too late to HOPE for TRUE HOPE.  It is never too late for Lady Liberty to rise up again.  It is NEVER TOO LATE for OUR America to stand up and once again be that beacon of hope, that symbol of liberty that shines forth from sea to shining sea!

YES!  America can be restored!  There IS hope!  Where there is truth, there is hope! Where there is faith, there can be victory!  Where there are people who are willing to stand and fight for her, there is liberty! 

My friends, NOW is our time.  They had their time, those who would see America weak and defeated.  But NOW is OUR time to rise!  NOW is our time to say, that we are TIRED of more people out of work, we are TIRED of more people hurting, we are TIRED of more debt, we are TIRED of the right to life being trampled, we are TIRED of the right to liberty being stolen, and we are TIRED of a government that has gone TOO FAR!

Four years ago, God gace us the exact leader we asked for.  But now it is time that we recognize our wrongs.  Now is the time we get down on our knees, and go to Almighty God, admitting that we were wrong.  Now is the time that we seek His help once again, then rise to our feet, and claim the idea of America, the idea of freedom, the idea of liberty that burns in our minds, our hearts, our souls again!!!  LET US go forth from this day forward and fire those responsible for trashing our Constitution, fire those who have attempted to enslave us to their socialist views, and TAKE AMERICA BACK FROM THEIR HANDS AND BACK IN THE HANDS OF THEIR EMPLOYERS- WE! THE! PEOPLE!!!!

What do you say?  Are you willing to stand?  Are you willing to be a voice of reason in this time of insanity?  Because my friends, the time is now, you are the voice that will restore hope, and your voice was never more needed than NOW!!!

My Destiny, Part Three: Rebirth

...until out of the corner of my eye I see- a light.  Just a tiny hole poking through the darkness at first.  But within mere moments I not only see, but am enveloped completely by it, overwhelmed by it.  There is not even the smallest trace of darkness anymore.  It has vanished so quickly that for a moment I wonder if it was even here.  And then it is but a fading memory...

A breeze passes over me, and suddenly I feel lifted with new strength.  It is not my own, no mistaking that.  My body still feels as though it is made of sand, inconsistant with no ability to hold structure on it's own.  Yet this strength holds me together, lifting me to my feet.  New found freedom washes over me.  Love infuses me.  Life takes hold of me.  Life... 

It is then that I notice something laying at my feet.  I look down and find a shell where only minutes ago I lay broken.  It looks like me...  Or, what was me.  The twisted form of myself that had become gnarled from disease.  Is it any wonder I could even move, I ask myself?  Or were my previous movements just an illusion from the mind of a paralyzed man?  What exactly is happening to me?

It is then that I see a lamb, as though it had been slain, yet living in all might and power.  It is the very God I had cried out to, the very God whom seemed so very far away, standing not above me, but beside me, holding me up.  It is then I realize that this new strength is His.  He has taken the darkness from me.  I do not have to ask, for the answer is already there- it was He who paid the price for my life.  He had ransomed me with His very blood.  Then in His power, He took my old self, that broken blackened creature of the night that I was, and changed it. 

I am a new creation.

This is my destiny.

I have done many wrongs, hurt God and others, in a life that was a suicide mission.  But no more.  Now God has set me on a new path; a path of peace though we are in a war, a path of love though we are surrounded by hate, a path of hope despite being surrounded by hopelessness.  This is the great adventure.   I do not know what lies ahead of my feet.  I am so blinded by the Light that it is all I can see- but it is that the Light, the Light of Christ, that I shall follow- no matter where it leads. 

I am redeemed. 

I am restored.

I am reborn.

The Lord Jesus Christ has came to my aid.  The Son of God has taken my place in judgement where I should have stood.  He saw my frailty, my weakness, my disease.  When all others cringed from me, when all others ran from me, when there was no hope in any other name under Heaven- he ran to me, and purchased the rights to my soul with His very blood.  He resurrected my dead soul just as He was resurrected from the grave.  He is the Light that I will follow until the end of eternity- and beyond.

This has been my story, from beginning to end.  Sometimes I forget myself, and I look back for that shell of a creature I once was.  But I never can see it.  Oh yes, sometimes my eyes do start to adjust to the darkness again.  But they never fully adjust, and I stumble and fall to my knees where the Lamb lifts me up and surrounds me with His love and His light again. 

Yes, this has been my story.  But my question to you is, is it not your story too?  For my brothers and sisters in Christ, do you remember the time when He came to your rescue?  Or have you forgotten the joy His love brings?  Stop looking back at your past.  Turn yourself back around, focus only on Him.  Your past is dead and gone, a distant memory cast into the sea of forgetfulness, cast as far from you as the east is from the west.  It is forgotten by God...  Why don't you forget it too?

As for those of you who may read this, who are still in that miry pit...  There is only one way out my friend.  There is only one way to freedom.  You can remain in that pit, broken, twisted, dying...  But there is another destiny that awaits.  A destiny not of regret, not of hopelessness, not of hate.  It is a destiny of peace, love, hope, redemption... 

Your adventure awaits...

Well?  What are you waiting for?

My Destiny, Part Two: 1000 Apologies

...And it is in this darkness that I somehow muster the strength for a feeble cry... it barely escapes my lips, the smallest of voices in my mind and ears...  and yet it echoes in the darkness, as if off of unseen walls in the black, growing louder, louder still until it becomes deafening... help!  I cry, as I realize I can no longer move on my own.  My spiritual state has struck me down, a sword to the heart, and left me for dead.  But somehow I still manage breath.  I choke out the whispered apologies... 

I have so many to make.  I have wasted so much time, precious time given by God...  I have committed spiritual treason against myself, my family, my friends...  Despite my own efforts, despite my own thoughts of myself I have become the hypocrite, the pharisee, the whitewashed tomb full of dead men's bones...  So many apologies...  Where to begin?

Where do you begin when you have 1000 apologies to make, apologies that are just words, that can never change the past, that can never mend the damage done, that can never erase the scars...  Scars given to others, and to myself.  If words can never hurt- then they can never heal.  They are just empty expressions, void of meaning.  Yet these empty expressions are all I have left in me.  It is all my strength to put down my pride and admit I was wrong.  It takes every muscle in my body to form the words, I repent.  I commission these words with prayer, hoping that He will give meaning to the only thing I have left to give.

My reality lies in the fact that I cannot escape my destiny in my own strength.  My reality is that I cannot rescue myself.  As my life plays out before me, my reality is that it was not I that ever did anything good... nor was it I that had the strength to whisper my apologies, my repentance.

Repentance...  Is it real?  Do I have any capability to turn from this disease infected self that I am?  Do I have any capability to not just apologize but to make a lifestyle change so radical that it is though I am a new creation?  Will my apologies, barren and empty yet from the depths of my soul, will they mean anything?

All I can do is ponder these questions.  They echo through my skull, driving me mad with hopelessness, until out of the corner of my eye I see...

...to be continued...

My Destiny, Part One: Godforsaken by Law

I HAVE been called many things in my life.  There is no denying that.  Some has been justified, some- not so much.  Some has been hurtful, some- not so much.  I have been called hateful; and I have been called too loving.  I have been accused of being a mocker of God's Word; and I have been called someone who takes God's Word too seriously.  I have been called someone who caused division because I don't always agree with people; and I have been called a person who tries too hard to bring people together.  I have been labeled a hypocrite; and I have been hailed as a saint...  OK, maybe not literally on that last part, but you get the idea... :)

Yes, I have been called many things, have been many faces to many people...  But the real question is what am I when all the masks break away, when the different perceptions are gone, when I am stripped bare to face the throne of God...  When I am face down to the King of Kings, about to be judged by His law...

By His law...  I am someone who has held other gods- including myself- before Him.  I am an idolator.  I have taken His Name in vain, both literrally and figuratively.  I have mocked Him and His Word.  Instead of being at rest and peace with Him, I have waged war against Him in my heart.  I have disrespected my parents- indeed, the very gift of life itself.  I have hated my brother, secretly killing him in my heart.  I have lusted...  the very sin of adultery in the shadows of my mind.  I have stolen!  Things that were never meant to be mine, clutched tightly in my hands...  I have lied about my neighbor... and my neighbor's neighbor...  And the guy down the street...  And the girl 4 houses over...  Oh the stories I have told about them...  And why not?  After all, THEY get all the good stuff- the nice car that should be mine; the huge house that I should be living in... 

Hypocrite.

I admit it.

By His law, His holy Word, all of my good is stripped bare.  I am exposed before Him and before all for what I am.  I am an unclean thing.  ALL of my righteousness is as filthy rags.  I am dirty, disgusting, grimy, putrid.  What is there in me to be proud of?  What good in my life can I point to?  What love in my life, what light in my soul?

I am hypocrite.  Nothing more, nothing less.  All of those hurtful things that have been spoken of me... are all true.  I cannot deny them.  Every accusation- though I would flee from them, to run away and burrow away hiding from them, they hunt me down and devour me because they are truth.

I am nothing.  There is no good, no lovely thing about me.

I am Godforsaken, for He cannot look upon sin- and I am sin.

Now that the mask has deteriorated into dust I see for myself who I am.  How I long to be able to go back in time, to change choices I have made, to undo wrongs and make them right... 

But it is like the poet once said,

"I made a choice that I regret,
Now what I see is what I get
It's too late to look back
I've got no way to switchback."

No way to switchback.  No way to undo.  No way no how no help.  The only thing before me now is to face what I have become, to face this unmasked creature from within, to take the sword and slay the dragon that I have allowed to consume my soul!  But... there is just one problem.  I do not have the strength of one man, let alone ten thousand.  My attempt to reach for a sword falls flat; I cannot even lift a finger.  This new sight has caused me to collapse as though dead on the ground, to be surrounded by darkness. 

And it is in this darkness that I...


...to be continued...

School Monitors And Monsters in Meridian

I could hardly believe my ears when I heard the news.  It was horrifying news...  As if there was any good news today.  A corpse found floating in a canal.  An infant found burned in a burning barrel. Both bad.  One horrifying.  But perhaps even more disturbing- the news that a Meridian Middle School counselor was arrested over the weekend for child porn charges.  As I read the story this evening, the story only became worse...

Apparently said "counselor" is a part of an online group that shares child porn.  He pleaded guilty in court today to these charges... and worse.  Not only did he claim that he had produced some of that porn; but on top of that, it was revealed that a minor child was found in his home at the time of the police raid, a boy that he had been raping for the past several months.  The boy spoke of other boys this monster had abused... 

There are several things that drive me mad about this case.  The fact that this man was in the schools...  Only God knows how many victims he may have had there.  The more pressing question though, is this:  Did anyone at the school know about this?  Had there been any complaints made to the school administration?  I would love to say that I have confidence that no one knew of his secret.  I would love to say that no child had came forward to issue a complaint about inapropriate behaviour.  UNFORTUNATELY...  Recent history, history so disturbing, history from a much more prestigous schoool... Penn State...  This history has taught us that we cannot take any school official at their word concerning these matters... 

What happened at Penn State, some may say is an isolated incident.  But is it?  The level of corruption was so deep; no man with any sanity or love for innocence would have dared imagine...  The fact that so many knew and looked the other way...  With such a high profile case that has just sent shock waves across the nation, does Meridian Middle School really expect our community to not question how extensive their knowledge was of this situation? 

These are our children we are talking about.  We, as a community have put our children in their care.  We expect them to keep them safe.  It is not beyond comprehension for us to feel betrayed... 

The question remains now, what should be done?  What measure of justice to level out?  The counselor has already plead guilty...  I will give you my opinion, however harsh.

First off, we must DEMAND an investigation into the school.  We MUST demand that authorities take a long hard look into this case, to establish if there have been any prior incidents, to establish if there has been any other victim that may have came forward only to be ignored.  We must demand answers until we are assured that the school had no knowledge of this crime; and if there were those who knew and looked away- they must be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

As far as this supposed counselor: it is a favor to society to move on without a trial.  Investigate him further, yes.  We must discover what other victims he may have.  But beyond that spare us the trial.  Spare the taxpayers.  Spare the children the trauma of reliving their stories.  And make the investigation a quick one...  And his sentence a quick one. 

There is only one judgement that can truly bring any kind of justice.  You see, this counselor has already sentenced his victims to a lifetime of suffering.  A life, for a life.  That is what a true and just sentence would be.  If he lives- he will live on with the possibility of offending again.  He will live on in a jail cell, where he will not regret what he has done- but rather his sick and twisted mind will relive, again and again to his demented pleasure, the pain of his victims.  No- no prison time for this man. 

In such cases as this, we must move forward to change the laws.  We must give judges the authority to level out what is fit for this crime.  This man, this monster that was hired by we the people to watch over our children, this vile filth that abused the hearts of those he was supposed to protect, must pay the ultimate price.  Capital punishment.  Execution. 

It is time that we start taking this crime seriously.  It is time we stop pretending the abuser is the victim.  How is it fair that the abuser and the victim both live on reliving the crime, one in pleasure the other in pain?  No.  Protect children of the future.  Let judges put molestors to death, and be done with it.