Inconveniently Yours...

 I still remember the first time I laid eyes on that crazy dog...  

We had been looking for a new pet, and we made the "mistake" of calling on an ad we saw in the classified section of the newspaper.  Back then, this was our "Craigslist", and it was just as sketchy as the personal ads you find online today.  But nevertheless, we found an ad for a dog that looked very promising; so we drove to another town to see what we thought would be a puppy from a single batch.  However...

When we got there, we actually had to wait for the owner to come out and part the sea of puppies for us to be able to even pull into the driveway.  I don't think I have ever seen so many little dogs in one area at one time!  It was nutty to see the waves of border collie/Australian shepherd mix, a combination of white crests and reddish brown flowing to the sides as we were finally able to maneuver to a stop.  Our first question stepping onto shore was, "Is this a puppy mill?"  To which the woman was quite offended by, but...

We looked out and through several options, unaware before we got there that we would have so many choices...  Feeling uncomfortable, we finally settled on a little boy puppy with a docked tail.  We asked the woman what had happened to give him the nub- she replied he was born that way.  Honestly, I am still not convinced that was a truthful answer...  But what do I know?  

He was kind of fat with a funny walk, and from behind, he looked like a very tiny bear cub.  At first thinking it was cute, we plopped him in our car and started to drive off.  We got maybe 3 blocks when we heard it... the retching noise that so many owners fear, followed by that God awful smell of dog vomit...  We made a quick decision and drove back, fearing there was something wrong with him, asking the still offended woman if we could trade him for a puppy that appeared more... healthy? After all, she had a few hundred more it seemed, surely a trade would be ok?  We were met at the door with an absolutely not; however, we could dish out another $50 for a girl dog to go with him...  Yeah, that was also a no.

So we were stuck with this dog with a docked tail that was puking all over our back seat, unsure what we had just committed to.  We didn't know what lay ahead... but now, about 13 years later, I look back and say- I am so glad she said no.  I am glad she rejected our trade offer, because we would have missed out on so much...

Bear got home ok; we would later learn that sometimes he just gets carsick.  His dock tail wasn't the only anomoly we would discover; he also has a little flap of skin by his ear, that has the appearance of a tiny third listening device attached to his head...  oh, and he is absolutely ocd when it comes to his ball.  I don't think I have ever been around a dog that can so obsessively play ball for hours and hours...  Like, you feel like your arm is about to fall off yet he is still there dropping the round object at your feet, staring at it, demanding you throw it one more time...

Of course that would all end when he was around 8.  One morning, he woke up to loud yipping, a painful noise as he struggled to get up... and couldn't.  We never really figured out what happened- whether it was some kind of disease or a spinal stroke...  all we knew for sure was, it was not long before he lost complete use of one back leg; and then not long after that, the other back leg went too.  His days of running were over.

Of course, he was still mentally happy as could be.  He loved, he lived, he was in no pain; and every day we would be greeted by that toothy dog grin he never lost.  But in case you were wondering, yes...  to say he was a little inconvenient is an understatement.  We would have to carry him everywhere, and he was no small dog.  Carry him in, carry him out.  Bathe him regularly because if you can't stand to pee, well...  

He was inconvenient.  So why do I say we would have missed out, you ask?  How could inconvenience be something I would be glad to experience?  I think it best if we understand this:  Not all inconveniences are a bad thing.  If you set aside pride, and embrace learning from the inconvenience- you may just find a greater understanding of life, a deeper understanding of love, and a blessing you never expected.

Through the years, Bear has been a shoulder to cry on, he has been a constant smile, he has been a faithful sidekick.  He has been more dependable than any human, and while that may be in part because well- he couldn't leave- that didn't stop the bonds of love from forging like unbreakable steel.  

I have learned, as all of our family has, so much from that dog.  He has been inconveniently ours; dependent in every way on us, and in a weird way, we were dependent on him.  The lessons of love and happiness greatly overshadow brief moments of frustration.  He has filled a piece of our heart that no other dog could.  And I am forever indebted to him for the lessons he has taught about life.

I say all this now, as we wait for the last few hours, hoping for one last lesson of love.  He has reached that point of life where we cannot provide him what he needs.  A wound on his leg that won't heal, causing him terrible pain, now weighs on our soul with a pain of our own.  That piece of our heart he so graciously filled will break- and heal over with a scar we will never forget.  You see, pets are not just animals... they are family.  And we stand on the eve of losing family.  I try to take comfort knowing that his days of running free, free from the bonds of paralysis and pain, are just around the corner.  He will be able to be that happy puppy again, and I have no doubt he will run into the arms of his Creator, where a ball bounces, waiting patiently for his retrieval of it.

But until the moment we can all play like kids and puppies in eternity, he will be missed.  And in our hearts, he will always be, inconveniently ours.

Thank you for the unconditional love and blessings, Bear.  We will always love you.