The self loathing, sado-masochist bride of Christ

She stands in her corner, eyes cast down, staring at the open wound on her flesh.  One arm is riddled with cuts, in the other hand she holds the knife dripping with her own blood.  Her eyes are filled with hate.  She loathes herself; she loathes the way certain parts of her body are. She wishes they could be different, maybe even removed from the body.  There are just some things she feels brings a disgrace to her as a whole.

Despite the pain it brings, she continues to cut her body, oblivious to anything other than her hate for herself.  Others around her notice with shock her behavior, yet she doesn't notice their horrified stares.  The world could be passing away, and yet all she can see is the inadequacies of her body.  Despite her actions, there does reside something deeper- the hurting souls around her would be surprised, perhaps, to learn that inside her is a burning love, a deep compassion, and arms that could reach out to them and hold them, to bring healing and comfort to the broken...  Unfortunately, at this stage in her life, she is too consumed with hatred of herself to notice those around her that need that love she holds so close to her.

So it is with deep concentration that she raises the blade again, drawing it's sharp edge across her already fragile skin, cutting deeper still, punishing herself for her flaws.

The immediate thought is that this obviously some poor delusional soul, some lost child to whom we cannot relate...  Yet the question I raise to you today is this:  What if this is a picture, not of a bitter child- but rather, a picture of the church?

We are the body of Christ.  This is an important point that we as believers must remember.  This means, my fellow Christians, that you and I are not only brothers and sisters- but we are a part of the same body.  I say this with fascination, as we so often divide ourselves by denominations, referring to each other as a member of the "baptist" body or the "nazarene" body or the "pentecostal" body...  And while I have no issue with different denominations, I do think that our refusal to work across denominational lines causes us to fail at effectively communicating the gospel to the world...  But that is not where I am going with this post.

Rather, the issue at hand is the concept of hating each other.  We get so wrapped up in looking at each other's faults- even in our own churches- that we become impotent.  We stare at others in our church, thinking ourselves so righteous compared to them.  We attack them with our tongue- which cuts like a knife.  Our gossip penetrates the skin of the Body, in an attempt to bleed out the flaws we see in others.  Our hatred for "that person" gets under our skin, and we take the knife, attempting to cut the bothersome sliver out. We see the way they dress- it looks so dirty, so unclean compared to ourselves!  So we take the steel wool and scrub at the skin til it is eaten away, leaving metal splinters embedded in the skin, infecting us and causing us to hate even more...

I find it interesting how often we fight amongst each other...  We fight over raptures and securities, we wound over healings, we argue with our tongues over tongues, we tear each other down over buildings and carpets and the like...  We become consumed with destroying ourselves...

Please don't get me wrong- I am not saying that we should tolerate a false gospel being taught amongst ourselves; however, there is a grave difference between doctrine that damns and doctrine that is a matter of difference of opinion.  Yet too often we treat the purveyors of fiction with more grace than those who hold to a different perception on non-essential doctrine.  We honor deniers of Christ while rejecting our own brothers and sisters whose life makes for a better story to share at "prayer groups".  And in the meantime...

While we are consumed with our own self-loathing, a lost world stands by and looks on as we destroy ourselves, cutting ourselves, our blood pouring over our body from our own self-inflicted wounds.  We are oblivious to the lost and hurting souls, those blinded and marching towards hell...  We have the ability to reach our arms out to them, to take the love of Christ to them- but we would rather be absorbed by our hatred for ourself, we would rather scar our arms than reach our arms out to show love and compassion. 

We are that self-loathing child...  Perhaps it is time we consider putting down the knife, and focus on what really matters in this world...  The question is, can we at this point make a difference?  Or will the world shy away from us now, frightened at our scars, afraid to come near our monstrous creation for fear that they will be the next victim of our knife?

God help us learn to love each other before we completely immobilize ourselves...