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 Reflection.

If you could put into words, if you could pinpoint one thing that you would identify as a Great Tragedy of our time- what would it be?  Would it be tyrannical governments?  Would it be overbearing laws?  Would it be not enough laws?  Government interference or lack of government involvement?  Perhaps you would highlight key issues of our time...  abortion.  Sexual immorality.  Taxes.  And what about the people?  Hollywood... influencers...  our least favorite politician, whomever that may be.

But what if it is none of the above?

I must confess, I am a bit of an odd duck in more ways than I like to admit.  But one thing is consistently in my mind:  WHY.

I will pull from one of my addictions to put forth an example:  I am a true crime addict.  I love listening to podcasts, youtube channels and even documentaries on various famous (and not so famous) murders.  I find the mystery intriguing, the descent into the darkness of the case thrilling...  but above all I am fascinated by the WHY.  Why did the killer do what he or she did?  What trauma or event led to the eventual demise of their victims?  Why did no one see the signs of a pathological maniac?  Why did he choose his particular victims?  Why...  well, I am sure that you get the point.  Why is the constant question that echoes through my head at all hours the day... and night.

This leads me to other paths...  Why are the degenerate, degenerate?  Why does the addict plunge again and again into their despairing madness?  Why does the politician vote the way they do?  Why do the broken continue to live in brokenness?  Again... why.

I think that I have finally come to my own conclusions, my own theory... and I want to test it.  I therefore present my theory that the issue is not so much an issue- it's something that is missing.  That missing, 4 letter word that cannot escape our tongues without feeling like a curse word, a 4 letter word foreign to most of our languages like a word from a lost nation...  A word called Hope,

As I revive this writing of mine, I don't know where it will take me except this:  I want to explore this subject.  I want to peer into the depths of darkness and look for hope.  To attempt to find hope where hope cannot be found, to examine it's purpose in our lives, to bring it to light so that it can shine like gold...  and in doing so, perhaps awakening that glimmer inside each of our souls that points not only to Hope- but to Hope's very Author.  After all, why settle for the product if we can have the Producer?

For now, remember to always ask why, to strive to see the good, and to utter Hope like new-found slang- and, stay tuned for the next chapter

Inconveniently Yours...

 I still remember the first time I laid eyes on that crazy dog...  

We had been looking for a new pet, and we made the "mistake" of calling on an ad we saw in the classified section of the newspaper.  Back then, this was our "Craigslist", and it was just as sketchy as the personal ads you find online today.  But nevertheless, we found an ad for a dog that looked very promising; so we drove to another town to see what we thought would be a puppy from a single batch.  However...

When we got there, we actually had to wait for the owner to come out and part the sea of puppies for us to be able to even pull into the driveway.  I don't think I have ever seen so many little dogs in one area at one time!  It was nutty to see the waves of border collie/Australian shepherd mix, a combination of white crests and reddish brown flowing to the sides as we were finally able to maneuver to a stop.  Our first question stepping onto shore was, "Is this a puppy mill?"  To which the woman was quite offended by, but...

We looked out and through several options, unaware before we got there that we would have so many choices...  Feeling uncomfortable, we finally settled on a little boy puppy with a docked tail.  We asked the woman what had happened to give him the nub- she replied he was born that way.  Honestly, I am still not convinced that was a truthful answer...  But what do I know?  

He was kind of fat with a funny walk, and from behind, he looked like a very tiny bear cub.  At first thinking it was cute, we plopped him in our car and started to drive off.  We got maybe 3 blocks when we heard it... the retching noise that so many owners fear, followed by that God awful smell of dog vomit...  We made a quick decision and drove back, fearing there was something wrong with him, asking the still offended woman if we could trade him for a puppy that appeared more... healthy? After all, she had a few hundred more it seemed, surely a trade would be ok?  We were met at the door with an absolutely not; however, we could dish out another $50 for a girl dog to go with him...  Yeah, that was also a no.

So we were stuck with this dog with a docked tail that was puking all over our back seat, unsure what we had just committed to.  We didn't know what lay ahead... but now, about 13 years later, I look back and say- I am so glad she said no.  I am glad she rejected our trade offer, because we would have missed out on so much...

Bear got home ok; we would later learn that sometimes he just gets carsick.  His dock tail wasn't the only anomoly we would discover; he also has a little flap of skin by his ear, that has the appearance of a tiny third listening device attached to his head...  oh, and he is absolutely ocd when it comes to his ball.  I don't think I have ever been around a dog that can so obsessively play ball for hours and hours...  Like, you feel like your arm is about to fall off yet he is still there dropping the round object at your feet, staring at it, demanding you throw it one more time...

Of course that would all end when he was around 8.  One morning, he woke up to loud yipping, a painful noise as he struggled to get up... and couldn't.  We never really figured out what happened- whether it was some kind of disease or a spinal stroke...  all we knew for sure was, it was not long before he lost complete use of one back leg; and then not long after that, the other back leg went too.  His days of running were over.

Of course, he was still mentally happy as could be.  He loved, he lived, he was in no pain; and every day we would be greeted by that toothy dog grin he never lost.  But in case you were wondering, yes...  to say he was a little inconvenient is an understatement.  We would have to carry him everywhere, and he was no small dog.  Carry him in, carry him out.  Bathe him regularly because if you can't stand to pee, well...  

He was inconvenient.  So why do I say we would have missed out, you ask?  How could inconvenience be something I would be glad to experience?  I think it best if we understand this:  Not all inconveniences are a bad thing.  If you set aside pride, and embrace learning from the inconvenience- you may just find a greater understanding of life, a deeper understanding of love, and a blessing you never expected.

Through the years, Bear has been a shoulder to cry on, he has been a constant smile, he has been a faithful sidekick.  He has been more dependable than any human, and while that may be in part because well- he couldn't leave- that didn't stop the bonds of love from forging like unbreakable steel.  

I have learned, as all of our family has, so much from that dog.  He has been inconveniently ours; dependent in every way on us, and in a weird way, we were dependent on him.  The lessons of love and happiness greatly overshadow brief moments of frustration.  He has filled a piece of our heart that no other dog could.  And I am forever indebted to him for the lessons he has taught about life.

I say all this now, as we wait for the last few hours, hoping for one last lesson of love.  He has reached that point of life where we cannot provide him what he needs.  A wound on his leg that won't heal, causing him terrible pain, now weighs on our soul with a pain of our own.  That piece of our heart he so graciously filled will break- and heal over with a scar we will never forget.  You see, pets are not just animals... they are family.  And we stand on the eve of losing family.  I try to take comfort knowing that his days of running free, free from the bonds of paralysis and pain, are just around the corner.  He will be able to be that happy puppy again, and I have no doubt he will run into the arms of his Creator, where a ball bounces, waiting patiently for his retrieval of it.

But until the moment we can all play like kids and puppies in eternity, he will be missed.  And in our hearts, he will always be, inconveniently ours.

Thank you for the unconditional love and blessings, Bear.  We will always love you.

Love In Death... A Memorial Day Memoir

THE EXPLOSION

Sent shock waves through his body.  The sound was absolutely deafening;  The earth-shattering melody ripped his eardrums to pieces; he felt it through his entire being, and for but a brief moment, every ounce of his soul.  And then it was over...  the pain fleeting, swept away with the rush of adrenaline.  Before he knew it, he was back on his feet, reaching for his gun.  There was no time to rest now, no time to slow down.  This was war, and in this moment, time lost meant life lost.  

The thought came to mind of how odd it was he was not bleeding from the shrapnel, as he turned to his weapon, but he put it out of his head- no time to dwell on abnormalities and expectations.  He had but one concern- the enemy was closing in.  His brothers in arms needed him to stand again, to join in again the barrage of smoke and lead.  So stand he did, his eyes desperate, scanning again for... his gun...

Seeing it tossed to the side of his body, he stretched for it, again that fleeting thought- why does everything seem so light, so surreal, so...  quiet...  but forcing such thoughts away, his hand finally reaching the barrel of his trusty firearm, flailing his hands in urgency as he tried to grip it.  Anxiety suddenly made him pause, frustration in his limbs building.  He could SEE his gun, but he could not TOUCH his gun.  it was almost as though his hands didn't exist!  Panic briefly rocketed through his brain, knowing any moment the harbinger of doom would peak over the horizon, muzzle flashing certain death...

Death.

And then, his eyes came to rest again on his body.

Lifeless.

Breath stolen from his lungs.

Blood soaked wounds illustrating the character of the man he was in life.

"Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends..."  

Those were the words of Jesus.  He remembered learning them so long ago in Sunday School back home.  Home, a place he now realized he would not see again.  Father and Mother, whom he would not embrace again.  The woman he loved, whose eyes he would not gaze into again.  For a moment, his heart shattered inside his ghostly shell, more powerful than the explosion that had taken his life.  If he had eyes his tears would have steamed like rivers at the realization that shook his soul...

But only momentarily, as peace washed over him from above.  Peace that showed him his life had purpose, his death not in vain, as the Divine brought to his mind the faces of his brothers spared from destruction by his own actions.  Foresight flooded him as he saw the faces of his loved ones, sorrowful, yet safe.  Hope overwhelmed him, as he saw the end of the battle, and the preservation of his people and his nation.

He looked down again at his lifeless body, understanding now the permanent condition of his sacrifice; and though his heart was heavy but for a moment, greater still was his reward- the reward of knowing that his love for his friends, for his family, his nation, would prevail and live on.  And so he looked up, arms outstretched in one final gesture, leaving behind the broken shell in one final act that boldly proclaimed he would not have changed one thing in his last heroic seconds of his life, because

Greater love has no man than this...

And he loved well.

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, to all who sacrificed everything so that we may live; may we learn to love like you.

Regret

The sad truth is, life is but a fleeting moment.  We hear this and sometimes think this about our own lives... that we must make the most out of our life, for soon our life will be over.  But there is a greater truth to it.  

You see, we all have loved ones and friends.  We all have people who mean so much to us; at least, that is what we tell ourselves.  But if they mean so much to us, why then do we take them for granted?  We do not invest in people.  We do not invest in people we love.  We do not invest in people who are supposed to be important to us.  

I see this as more and more, a growing and worsening trend.  People are more addicted to their phones, ipads and tablets than they are with the company they are surrounded with.  We cannot make it through a ten minute conversation without scrolling through our phones.  Social media is the greatest extent of our social life...

But the hard truth is this:

All of our loved ones will eventually move away, move out of our lives, and die.  And we will always be left alone.

Read that again...

I say this not to depress you, but to warn you...  Put down the things that don't matter.  Cherish your loved ones in the brief few seconds you are allowed to hold them.  Spend today WITH them, not in their presence, but WITH them; for tomorrow they will be gone, and you will only have regret to hold.

Space Reborn: Bleeding Out

I have long been an advocate for young earth creationism. Evolution, though pushed by the scientific community at large, is not a theory you will find me clinging to. 

However...

One thing I have learned is that, evolution of life is true. Now before you wonder if my beliefs have changed, let me explain: I am not talking about Darwin's ramblings, but rather, the evolution of our thoughts, our minds, our hearts.

Perhaps it is best to outline it this way: I am not the same person I was yesterday. Or the day before. Or even 10 years before. Who I am has, in a sense, evolved. It has changed. My life and soul have begun the process of bleeding out what I once was, and has been bleeding it out for a very long time. 

I am no longer the brash young man, but rather, have evolved into someone more thoughtful, and hopefully more wise. Someone who attempts to be more kind, more merciful, more... human... while remembering others, even those whom I find disagreement and fault with, are also human.

I pray to God that I continue this process of bleeding out the old man, and evolving into the new one- the one whom is Christ like in nature, in truth, in hope, in love.  After all, He says that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation... and that new creation is so much more, so much better than the old.

This is space, reborn.

Let Love Shine

     There was another shooting today: Twenty four shot, five dead, they tell us.  In of all places, a town in Texas... 

     I may be off my rocker here, but it seems to me that there has been a pretty large increase in shootings lately.  It makes me long for the days when I was a kid- when stories like this rarely, if ever, highlighted the evening news.  People just didn't go around shooting others.  It is not that it never happened, it just was so rare that it was practically unheard of!  It also makes me brokenhearted for this generation, who just can't seem to get away from news about shootings...
   
     I am no scholar, nor am I a great philosopher; therefore, I will shy away from the idea that I can somehow solve the great mystery of why humanity has lost it's mind.  Nor am I a conspiracy theorist, so I will not follow Alice and her flag down the rabbit hole of endless possibilities.  It seems anyone can think of an interesting (and often cazy) scenario if they stare at their t.v. too long...
   
     I think it would be a tragedy to politicize the events of the day, though I know people on every side of government and media are already drooling at the mouth with the narrative possibilities to push their respective agendas.  I will, instead, remind you of my thoughts- and hopefully they will help to illuminate something we all need to remember.
   
     There is, in this world, evil.  Evil has many names and wears many faces.  Sometimes he appears as a gunman. Sometimes he appears as betrayer.  Sometimes we think he is a friend...  But often, we cannot control how he will arrive.  We can only control how we react.  And in reaction, we can control what evil can and cannot do to us.

     The easy response to evil is fear or anger.  These are easy emotions for us to release; and they easily manipulate us like a puppet on strings.  In many cases, others will see our reactions of fear and anger as opportunity- and often those very people are the ones who pull the strings that now dictate further feelings and actions.  But that is not the best or most beneficial response.

     I implore you instead, that you react in kindness and love.  Instead of uncontrolled breakdowns, take hold of your emotions.  Instead of going into attack mode, seek out others to show love and compassion to.  When we react in said fear and anger, too often we reflect the very evil we hate.  But perhaps if we instead set aside ourselves for a moment, and determine that evil will not beget more evil in our hearts; if we instead embrace love, mercy, compassion- perhaps then we can begin to unravel the hatred that has gripped us by the neck. 

Let us live like we love, even in darkness- so that our light may shine in the blackest of places.

In The Name Of Love

                Marting Luther King Jr. once said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  It is that thought that echoes in my mind as I think about the ever famous chapter 13 in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church, the letter of 1 Corinthians- the chapter commonly referred to as “The Love Chapter”; arguably one of the most famous passages in Scriptures.  As Adolf Harnack once said, it is “the greatest, strongest, deepest thing Paul ever wrote”.  So please, for a moment, entertain my thoughts as I discuss this most critical piece of literature.

In our life, in our culture, in the history there can be no doubt of a certain struggle that has plagued humanity since the dawn of time.  It is the never-ending war with hate.  There are many different theories as to why this is, even amongst the greatest minds of theology.  And while we can argue over whether it is total depravity, some outside influence of an evil force, or the environment in which we are raised- there is no arguing the fact that hate has had a predominant hand in all of the human tragedies caused by the hand of another.  Hate has been more deadly than all plagues known to man; and yet, rather than fight for a cure, we dive more deeply into it. 

My friends, this ought not to be.  When we all see that sin that causes so much death enveloping us like a poisonous fog, the answer is not to continue breathing in the toxin; rather, we should flee it to the only cure known to man, the only solution to bring us from this chasm- Love. 

But instead of love, we find ourselves pitted against each other over petty things.  We instead turn to exalting things about ourselves that, without love, are completely irrelevant.  We think ourselves holy in the exercise of our spirituality, talents and gifts; yet in the absence of love, and therefore, in the absence of God Himself- who looks away from our self-glorifying works.  We believe ourselves to be something wonderful; yet when lacking love, we are just an empty shell.

It is for this very reason that we find Paul addressing the Corinthian Church on matters of love.  They had fallen into the trap of the Pharisee, seeing the great and marvelous actions at their own hand; listening to their own muttered prayers and supposed speaking in tongues of angels; holding themselves upon a pedestal above others.  When one felt he was “blessed” with a gift, he would look down upon another whom he felt was less blessed, not as righteous as he.  They would boast in their gifts while ignoring the glaring issue that all they did was vacant of love for God and love for others.

This was the background for chapter 13.  In 12, Paul first addressed the use of gifts and the reality that what you do outwardly is not a sign of how great you are within; in fact, he writes, that each person with their unique gift was imperative to the work of Christ and to the church as a whole.  He concludes by saying, “But earnestly desire the greater gifts- And I show you a still more excellent way.”  (12:31)

And what is that most excellent way?  Paul makes it abundantly clear: Love.  He begins 13 with three very direct statements concerning works and gifts: “If I speak with tongues of men and angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.”

This is the first and most basic understanding of love.  Righteousness is not being able to do wonderful things.  Look at some of the things that Paul points out- “If I can speak with tongues of men and angels”- does it really matter if I have the most eloquent of speech?  Does it matter if I can hold the attention of thousands, if I can speak with the proverbial golden tongue if love is devoid of my speech? No; for without love, I am in the end only muttering useless sounds that are unintelligible to the soul.  He goes on to state that having all knowledge, having understanding of mysteries, gifts of prophecy or great faith- are useless knowledge and useless faith without love.  In fact he very directly says having these gifts without love reduces him to nothing!  And he wraps up this section by saying that though he make great sacrifice in his life, if not done in love, it profits him absolutely nothing.  So then, the question must be asked- if these things practiced on their own merit are useless, what then is love?  If love is the key, what is it?  And of greater importance, what impact can love- when understood in it’s true concept- have on this world of hate in which we live?

We are most fortunate that Paul must have anticipated this question to be asked for centuries to come.  He takes the remaining time in chapter 13 to help us have complete understanding of this most sacred word.  He breaks it down as such: 7 examples of what love is, and 8 examples of what love is not.  While this explanation is helpful to us, it also served a secondary purpose.  As John Calvin stated, “I have also no doubt that he designed indirectly to reprove the Corinthians, by setting before them a contrast, in which they might recognize, by way of contraries, their own vices.”

So let us first take a look at the 8 things Paul identifies as the opposite of love:  1. Not jealous 2. Does not brag 3. Is not arrogant 4. Does not act unbecomingly 5. Does not seek its own 6. Is not provoked 7. Does not take account of wrong 8. Does not rejoice in unrighteousness.  Some of these should be pretty self explanatory; however, let us take a brief moment to look a little deeper.

The first, that love lacks jealousy, speaks to the reality that you cannot look at what another has and covet it.  How can you love that person if you cannot take your mind off what they own?  If you feel that what God has gifted them belongs more rightfully to you, then you are exalting yourself above them.  In a more intimate relationship, jealousy can look different- behaving as a territorial primate, demanding to control their every move.  This also does not show forth love, for in a figurative sense, you have caged them and attempt to control their freedom.  This is not something love would do.

In the same respect, love does not brag and is not arrogant, nor does it seek its own.  These three go together, as they both- once again- involve exalting self.  As long as you are your main focus in the relationship, love will be absent.  For how can you attend to the need of another if you are constantly looking out for your own?  How can you love a person whom you constantly belittle or degrade, either through word or action?

Love does not act unbecomingly, Calvin again refers to this as acting ostentatious- which means a vulgar display intended to impress or attract notice.  Once again, this is an action solely on yourself.  Perhaps once again, Paul may have been thinking about relationships in the Body of Christ, as the Corinthians were struggling with spiritually vulgar actions meant to draw attention to themselves…  But I digress.

Finally, love does not take account of wrong, is not easily provoked and does not rejoice in unrighteousness…  I think the main overall thought is, that once again, love puts our feelings aside for the greater good of the relationship.  Rather than focus on the negative, love lets go for the sake of peace.  My feelings are sacrificed for the sake of love, expecting nothing in return.

Paul counters with a good description of what love is.  After very vividly painting that love of self is the opposite of love for others, he shows us clearly the lesson we must learn if we are to survive, not only as a culture, but as the Body of Christ.  Love is patient, love is kind- when we deal with others, our compassion must shine through! Love rejoices in truth- for even though truth may hurt, lies and deception are much more destructive.  Love bears and endures all things- right or wrong, good or bad, love will carry the burden through to the end- as our wedding vows say, til death do us part.  Love believes all things, love hopes all things…  Paul is essentially writing that no matter how dark, love never gives up.  It presses forth, holding fast to hope above all.

Paul then ends the section by stating that love never fails.  This is why Paul said it is a much more excellent way.  Because every other gift given, whether tongues or healing or prophecy- these things are not eternal.  These things will fade.  These things will come to an end.  Material possessions and gifts will blow away like the wind.  But love- love is eternal. Love can never fail.  Love never ceases.  Love never ends.

The gifts that the Corinthians seem so enamored with, are likened unto things needed for our spiritual immaturity.  They are the gifts of spiritual children.  We see the mysteries of God through a dim glass, but when they have fallen away, and only love is left behind- when we enter eternity with no need of tongues and prophecies- then we will see clearly.  Then we will have reached our full spiritual maturity.  It is what we should strive for.  It is what should be our motivation.  It should be the one action (for love is not a feeling, but a verb) that we stress more than any other when dealing with our brothers and sisters in Christ- and with the lost. 

Love is, the more excellent way.